This was actually part of the "job" that Nick enjoyed almost as much as performing. There was a controlled number of people things were kept in hand and he could met some fans. He loved to meet people, but sometimes it was nothing but screaming and shaking. Nice for the ego, but with all that had happened lately he had begun to realize that wasn’t real. AJ going into rehab was a good thing for Nick. He had time to think and assess things. He laughed to himself as he thought how often Brian had used that phrase "assess the situation", "assess our future". It was true. He had been doing this since he was a child. He’d grown up in the spotlight. Gone through puberty with people doing polls about the size of his cock, and rating his ass. That wasn’t fun. During AJ’s stint in rehab Nick had realized even more that his "life" wasn’t "reality". He didn’t know how to change that. Maybe just the realization made it different. This was only the forth show since the tour resumed and the one thing he knew was different was that he felt empty.
There was a line of people waiting for a second of their time. He said "hi" and gave out smiles and hugs. It seemed they were all looking to him for something, or telling him much he had given them. Stories did touch him. He thought it was nice that their music had changed lives, brought people together, and created memories, but it wasn’t always about him. He didn’t write the words or the melodys. He just sang. He knew they were sincere and didn’t know the stories behind things. Didn’t know the "real" stories. It was probably better that way. He wanted . . . he needed something real.
She was somewhere in the middle of the line. Waiting her turn. She had run to the bathroom as soon as they arrived and did a quick fix of her hair. The arena had been hot and she hadn’t sat down. She was older than the typical "boyband" fan. Nick was her favorite. When she got to him she smiled and took both his hands. He looked at her and waited. She looked like she had something to say, but couldn’t get it out. He thought to himself that it was going to be another one of those who takes the one chance they’ll probably have to meet him and spends it staring then crying. Just as he was about to say something she spoke, "You know even if you weren’t a Backstreet Boy there would be crowds around you." She laid her hand on his face, "You’re gonna be ok, you know?"
Something in the tone of her voice and the touch of her hand made him believe it. This time he was speechless. This was a feeling he hadn’t know in a long time. Tenderness. She never moved her hand, "Can I get a hug?"
He felt her arms around him and returned the gesture weakly. Still a little stunned. Then she was gone. The next person came and gushed a mile a minute. Not the same feeling at all.
Hours later he was sitting with his friends and watching her across the room. She was having fun with a small group of friends and never really paid anymore attention to him. He wasn’t her sole focus, her reason for being here. She had taken her time and moved on. She was gathering her things and heading toward the door. Something made him get up and meet her, "Leaving so soon?"
She smiled at the little boy tone in his face, "It’s really late, Nick. It’s been a long day."
"But I wanted . . . I wanted to talk to you." They stood there looking at each other, "Why don’t you come back to the hotel with me. We can talk easier there."
She squinted her eyes and looked at him. Considered what she was saying yes too. He knew that look. He also knew what an invitation back to the hotel was assumed to mean. He didn’t know if it did or not this time. She couldn’t tell either, "Ok, for a little while."
He smiled a little, put his arm around her shoulder, and lead the way.
Nick unlocked the door to his suite and let her in before him, "At least we get nice rooms." He stretched his shoulders as he walked into the kitchen, "Something to drink?"
"Just some water, thanks." She sat down on the couch. Nick handed her the water and sat across from her on the chair. "You said that like you’re unhappy."
"Not unhappy really. Well, maybe. I don’t know how to explain it."
"I imagine your life is very different than we see."
He laughed a little and ran his hand through his hair, "You’d be right. And that’s what I mean. I’m looking at things a little different now and not sure I like all I see. I’m trying to do some things different, and it’s new. New is hard. I think we’re all looking at things a little different now."
"That which doesn’t destroy us makes us stronger."
"Exactly." He stretched again. His muscles ached.
"Why don’t you come sit down here and I’ll rub your shoulders."
How did she know? He hadn’t even realized he was stretching and working out some kinks. He moved and sat on the floor between her feet. Her hands squeezed his shoulders and along his neck. He let out a contented sigh and dropped his head forward, "That feels great."
"You looked like you were kinked up?" She could feel the muscles start to give under her hands. His hair brushed the back of her hands. Soft.
"What you said to me. What did you mean?" He had thought on that since he met her.
"You are a very pretty man. You will always draw attention and be noticed. It wouldn’t matter if you were cleaning at the mall. People would stop and look at you."
He let out a sarcastic laugh, "Just another pretty face."
"No. You have an attitude. You probably always have. A cockiness, with a vulnerabilty. I doubt you let many people see inside. To the real you. God knows all this glitz isn’t real. Has to get confusing."
He turned around to look at her, "How the hell did you know that? It’s taken me almost eight years to figure that out."
"Because I’m not in the middle of it and I have nothing to gain by being anything but honest. I’ll see you tonight then be gone. You’ll move on."
He turned back around and let her continue working on his muscles, "That sounds cold."
"It’s only cold if both people don’t know the rules. Have different expectations. I don’t think that we do. I don’t want anything more than you have to offer. A little time. What we chose to do with it is up to us, we’re both adults." With that she pushed him forward and slid on the floor behind now with his butt between her thighs. Her hands drifted down to work the muscles beside his spine then snaked around in front of him. He laced his fingers with hers and she laid one hand against his heart and the other wrapped around his stomach. She leaned in and softly kissed the slope of his neck. He smelt clean.
Nick groaned as he felt her tongue contact his skin. She left light wet kisses up to his ear then sucked on his newly peirced earlobe tugging at the diamond stud. Her hands went to the bottom of his white t-shirt and pulled it over his head. His skin was soft as she ran down his shoulders and arms to his hands. This time he lead and reached their joined hands around so he could feel her legs. She placed kisses down his spine. One on each letter of his latest tattoo. "Oh damn." The skin was slightly sentive to touch. He felt a tingle throughout his body. He let go of her hands and turned to face her, on his knees. He took her hands again and place them against his stomach. She slid them up his body and blindly felt around not letting her eyes leave his. His nipples had contracted and her fingers brushed over them repeatedly. He watched as her head came toward him and her tongue flicked at one then the other. Her hair felt so good between his fingers. He released her head and pulled her to standing with him, "Let’s take this in the other room."
Nick walked backwards and held both her hands. Once inside the bedroom he let her go. She turned on the light, "I want to see." She walked confidently toward him and began to work the button of his pants and unzipped them. She left there and reached behind him to caress and squeeze his ass. That beautiful ass. Her hands slid inside his pants to touch his skin.
She only removed her hands when he needed her arms up to take of her shirt. He immediately reached for her breasts and fingered her nipples through her bra. As his hands slid under the lacy fabric his lips met hers. Softly at first. No matter what else went on Nick liked to savor the first kiss. There would never be anything to compare. His mouth opened as hers did and their tongues met. Her bra, shorts, and panties were gone before they broke for air. He watched her as he pushed his pants over his hips and kicked them off. She laid one finger against his lips then began a slow descent down his body. She didn’t stop until she reached the very tip of his rock hard cock.
He pulled her body to his by cupping her ass in his hands. He held her close as they kissed. This time he worked his hips against her, rubbing his erection again her. They moved together until the fell onto the bed. Nick’s hand explored her stomach and quickly began to stroke inside her. She was slick from the contact with him and he used that to work her. She sighed and nipped at him as he sucked her neck. She nudged his thigh with her knee and raised up to let her under him. Her hand grasped his cock and let it to her. He moved himself into her slowly. Pushing further into her core with every thrust. Feeling her hot slickness wrap around him and seem to hold him.
Hands, mouths, and tongues carressed the other. Fingers played against sensitive skin and scratched with the intensity. No words were spoken. Their bodies said all that was needed. Nick pinned her hands above her head as he came. Thrusting wildly for the last minutes before his release. Her body slamming into his with equal force.
Her body was stimulated from his thrusting. Nick pulled his cock from her and tongued her clit. She pulled at his hair and tried to get closer to him. It wasn’t long before she was overtaken with the spasms of her own orgasm. He kissed up her body and came to rest next to her. They comforted each other as their breathing returned to normal.
Nick would wake up alone the next morning. His body remembered the night before. Not the physical sensations, but the emotional. For a brief time he didn’t feel so empty. He found a note on the pillow where he could still smell her.
Nick,
I don’t want anything from you. No phone calls, no emails, no promises. All I wanted was a moment in your life to tell you that you will be fine. Something told me you needed it. I’ll be watching. Always know that somewhere is someone watching you. Not being a voyeur into your life, but really trying to see you. Last night was wonderful. I hope for those few hours you didn’t feel so alone. So empty.
Love,
Heidi